Spongebob Square Pants Considering Presidential Run as Third Party Candidate

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Spongebob Square pants, the beloved cartoon character from  the cartoon series bearing his name has announced that he is considering a bid for Presidency as a third Party Candidate. Recent polls have given him a nearly 15 point lead over any of the Republican or Democratic front runners.  Spongebob Square Pants has decided advantages over all the other candidates as he has no genitals at all to speak of and thus cannot be characterized by the other candidates as a “Dumb D**k” or “Stupid C**t”. Being green makes him the minority candidate of color, and also by being green he appeals to environmentalists.  He has a very wide appeal to Latino voters having been on Spanish Language TV for a number of years now. Some Republicans though characterize him as being “soft” on matters such as immigration and terrorism, but many like the fact that he has legs and will stand up against higher taxes and big government. “No one is going to wring him out to dry!” quoted one supporter.  While many feel he has strong family values, some evangelical voters are skeptical since according to Jerry Falwell, "he displays homosexual tendencies in his cartoon shows". Donald Trump immediately declared that he was ineligible because according to his bio he lives in underwater city of Bikini Bottom which, according to some third-party sources, is located in the Pacific Ocean beneath the real life coral reef Bikini Atoll. While technically this is a US territory, Trump wants him to produce a birth certificate to prove he’s an American citizen. Most voters though have expressed the opinion “This election has become nothing more than a cartoon show anyway, so why not?”