Satirical News Service
Donald Trump today pardoned Charles Manson after nearly 45 years in prison siting his exemplary loyalty to his family.
“Charles Manson has shown what it means to be loyal to your family. No matter how much they offered him to rat out his other Manson family members, he remained loyal. These are the kind of family values that America needs – and certain members of my own family should be thinking about. While no one will deny that he did some bad things, there was blame to be had on both sides – especially among members of the elite Hollywood ultra-liberal set. So today I am pardoning him to reunite him with his surviving family members to carry on their good works and remain loyal to each other."