Trump wants Funds for New Version of Statue of Liberty

Design of New Border Statue people have called the "Stay the F*** OUT" Statue

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Donald Trump today tweeted that in addition to funding for his “Border Wall” with Mexico, he also wants to include in the package funding for a “newer” version of the Statue of Liberty. This version, however, would feature a large figure of a ragged gun totting man standing more than 200 feet tall from its base pointing South. Its mouth is open appearing to vocalize obscenities. The design for the statue has been called by many as the  “Stay the F*** OUT of Our Country” statue. Trump wants 80 million dollars to fund it. He has threatened again to shut down the government if Congress does not approve the funding for it.

Putin Offers to Run Government if President Trump Shuts it Down

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

 After President Trump made new threats today to shut down the US government if he does not get his Border Wall passed, Vladimir Putin offered to run America. “We are used to running countries when there is disagreement”, said Putin, “We would be very happy to run your country for as long as we like”.  As yet there has been no response from the White House, but today Mr. Trump tweeted “Thank you Mr. Putin, I will seriously consider your kind offer”.

Putin Agrees to Meet with Trump in Washington, But Only if He Gets to Bring His Army

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Putin has agreed to meet with Trump again this coming November, but only on the condition that he be allowed to bring his entire army to stage what he called "A Military Parade to honor Mr. Trump".  It is estimated that this will consist of more than 12,000 troops as well as tanks and missiles on trucks which will parade down Pennsylvania Avenue to a "Yuge" viewing crowd.
"I want to show my solidarity with the American people", said Putin. He added, "They may want to stay a while too."

Iron Chiefs – America

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Our contestant Iron Chiefs come from different parts of the world and have iron domination over both their populations. They bring with them a team of experienced interrogators adept at getting confessions from even the most intransigent subjects.

Contestants have just one hour to prepare their subjects and deliver them for an indictment to our Interrogation Stadium panels of secret judges.

This month’s ingredient is Meddling. 

Iron Chief Putin who will you be preparing for our Interrogation Stadium.

Putin: We plan to dish out interrogation to former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul. This will involve first a slow simmer and then beatings and prolonged electric shocks. After which he will be served with arrest under cover and presented before you.

Iron Chief Trump who will you be preparing for Interrogation Stadium.

Trump: I’ve brought our most experience “enhanced interrogators” from Guantanamo Bay who will dish it out to your Russian operative. We’ll start with a water-bath followed by prolonged stress positions, and ultimately loud music and hallucinatory drugs to finish off the dish. These will then be served to our secret courts and whisked away to unknown places.

Well, whatever you have planned it time to GET INTERROGATING!

Trump Announces New Design For Air Force One

Satirical News Service Washington, DC

Trump announced a Redesign of Air Force One today.

“Air Force One is going to be incredible. It’s going to be the top of the line, the top in the world, and it’s going to be red, white and blue. Which I think is appropriate.”

Trump Apologizes to Russia for US starting Cold war. Promises to re-build Berlin Wall.

Satirical News Service
Helsinki, Finland

President Trump today formally apologized to Vladimir Putin for the US starting the Cold War which brought down the Soviet Union. In a tweet, he sent just hours ago he stated.

“The Cold War – which brought great hardship to the Russian people, was largely the fault of Democratic Presidents Truman, Kennedy, and Obama – and now thanks to the great leadership of Mr. Putin is now largely over. There is still a lot of work to be done in Europe, which the Russians are already starting to do in The Ukraine and Crimea to bring peace and stability to that region. We have agreed to rebuild the Berlin Wall with Russia’s help so that Germany can keep out immigrants who are infesting Europe – and Germany is going to pay for it!”

Putin Gives “Ask Alexi” Gift to Trump

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

To demonstrate how solid Putin’s relationship is with Trump, Premier Putin gave Trump an “Ask Alexi” device as a gift. According to Russian officials, it works like Amazon’s Echo and is always listening for any possible question or request President Trump might have for Premier Putin. 

Recently a secret tape was obtained of Putin demonstrating how it works to Trump.

Putin: All you haff to do Mr. Trump as say “Alexi”, and then ask you question. Go ahead and try it…..

Trump: “Alexi, Did Russia meddle in the 2016 Presidential Election?”

Alexi: “Of course not boychek! This is total fabrication of deep state and fake press to try to discredit you”

Trump: “Alexi, What can I do to stop Mueller and his investigation of me?”

Alexi: “Mr. Mueller might happen to stumble upon a bottle of nerve gas sometime soon that could of course not be traceable to anyone in the White House or Kremlin”.

Trump: “Alexi, Who is our greatest Ally?”

Alexi” “Russia! Of course!”

Trump Announces 2018 World Tyrants Tour

Satirical News Service

Washington, D. C.

After his “successful” meetings with Kim Jong Un, NATO, and Melissa May, the Trump Administration announced its latest plan for the 2018 World Tyrants Tour. This will include state visits to leaders in some of the world's most repressive regimes including Russia, Myanmar, Venezuela, Syria, Saudi Arabia, and possibly Iran. In each country, he'll shake hands with their leader and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with them while he praises what a great job they are doing and how America can now be their friend. According to White House sources, the tour is designed to demonstrate what a skillful negotiator he is at wringing concessions from formerly hostile regimes, It remains to be seen what if any concessions will be offered but It does r promote his own brand of “mano-a-mano” diplomacy. Iran still presents a problem after he blew-off the hard win Nuclear agreement, but sources within the Trump Administration say “he'll put it back on the table minus any inspections, and that should make them happy.”

New EMOJI to replace Walmart Rollback Happy Face

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

 As Trump and China enter into a whole new phase of a Trade War, Walmart has designed a whole new marketing campaign around it. Replacing the happy-faced “Rollback” EMOJI will be the “WTF JACKUP” EMOJI. Shoppers will start to see these all over the Walmart stores in the very near future and just in time for the Xmas holidays.

Cave Rescuers Now Called upon to Rescue 2500 children trapped in “Detention Caves” in Texas

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

 After performing a near-miraculous feat of rescuing 12 boys and their coach from a flooded cave in Thailand, they may be called upon to perform an even harder feat of recusing nearly 2500 boys and girls, some under the age of 3, who are trapped in cave-like conditions in a detention center near the Texas-Mexican border. According to one of the SEAL rescue divers who was involved in the Thai cave rescue, “The obstacles involved in rescuing these youths in Texas are far more numerous. They are trapped in tiny cage-like rooms deep in an inaccessible part of the country. Even getting to them involves traversing miles of red tape and government intransigence compounded by constant floods of misinformation and outright lies by the NEWS and government officials. Even if we could reach them, getting them out might take months – even years.” Early pictures of the youth show them huddled together with only “space blankets” for warmth in the cave-like conditions inside the facility. How long they can survive there in those conditions is unknown.

Mexico’s New President Agrees to Build Trumps Border Wall – Along 1840 Border Lines

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Almost immediately after declaring victory in Mexico’s general election, the newly elected president Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador spoke with President Trump and assured him that he would indeed build that border wall, the Trump has so often talked about. He announced his plan today to the Mexican public who were aghast until he displayed a map of where he planned to build the wall. It clearly showed the 1840 Mexico-US border, which today incorporates Texas, Arizona, and California. In his statement, he announced that preparations are now underway to construct this border wall and that anyone who remains on its side must apply for Mexican citizenship or face immediate deportation. We intend on having a zero-tolerance policy toward immigration. The USA has been sending us rapists, drug dealers, and gang members for many years, and this must stop. I say “Build That Wall!”

The Trump administration had yet to comment on this new development. The Mexican public was overwhelmingly in support of it.