Romney to Replace Big Bird with Big Beck and Rush the Grouch

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

Just a few days after Romney announced his plan to “Fire Big Bird” during the debate last Wednesday,  the Republican campaign has been hit with a barrage of criticism that they are anti-children. In response the Mitt Romney campaign “clarified” his position stating that Mitt Romney didn't want to totally eliminate Sesame Street, but merely replace the character of Big Bird and others with other characters called “Big Beck”, and his sidekick “Rush the Grouch”. The show would center around weekly “Tea Parties” and would de-emphasize diversity, liberal values, and promote the values of fending for yourself, staying on your side of the fence, boys not playing with dolls, and girls wanting to have lots of babies and not take any kind of pills (except for the occasional Oxycodone). This show would not receive any Federal Funding, but would be entirely funded by the Koch Brothers. They also hope to introduce two other characters called “Sarah Smarty-Pants” and “Googly-Eye-Michelle”.